Drive Away
by HermyWhereHagger
Summary: EXCERPT:“You think I don’t feel it,” It was not a question it was a statement, “You think that I don’t feel the pain…the…the void that took residence in my heart the moment I met you, if you do then you're wrong.” Remus' POV RLNT


**Drive Away**

_Remus' POV:_

It was a cold winter night as I sat at my cluttered desk grading papers. Through the door came Tonks. Her and I were co-teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. I smiled to myself 'cause she never failed to remind me of how young she really was. She was wearing a black Weird Sisters t-shirt that hugged her in all the right places, a black leather studded belt, and tight fitting jeans that were ripped on her thighs, a suppressed groan escaped from deep within my chest.

"What's up, Remus?" Concern etched on her face.

"Nothing, Nymphadora." He noticed there was no retaliation from her.

She in no way failed to come by and talk to me it didn't bother me but seeing her made my heart ache terribly. I love her and no matter what I did I couldn't stop myself from loving her even from the very first moment that I met her.

_**Flashback**_

_ It was Sirius' 25th birthday we were outside the sun bearing down on all of us making me slightly regret wearing a black sweater over a white dress shirt. With that and the jeans I was wearing I began to feel very hot, to show my discomfort my face was slightly red. I had yet to encounter Sirius, so I leaned against a wall in the shade as I sipped idly at my wine. _

_ That was that exact moment that I saw her. She was breath taking in a black cocktail dress and she had soft back curls and her emerald eyes glimmered in the sunlight. I swear that the world froze as I watched her fervently she walked over to Sirius and my heart vaguely faltered I thought that she was going out with him. _

_ When they walked over to me I saw Sirius whisper in her ear and I felt this deep grab of jealousy clawing at my heart, she shook her head when he finished and started laughing I swallowed hard she even more stunning. I looked away and set my drink down then put my hands in my pockets trying to act casual. _

"_Hey, Remus." Sirius said as they approached._

"_Hello and Happy Birthday, Sirius." I said somewhat dismissively._

"_I would like you to meet my cousin," I smiled a little as my heart rose, "Nymphadora Tonks."_

_ She smacked him playfully on the arm, "Sirius, you know I hate being called that," She then faced me, "It's Tonks, just Tonks."_

"_Nymphadora is a charming name." I replied, giving a shot at conversation._

"_You wouldn't think so if your mother had named you that." She said cynically. _

"_Anyway, It is a pleasure to meet you I am Remus Lupin." I said formally giving her my hand to shake._

"_Believe me the pleasure is all mine, Remus." She said somewhat seductively or at least I thought she was being seductive._

"_You know what? I have guests to attend to so I'm just gonna leave." I vaguely remember Sirius saying and then we were left alone._

"_So," My voice sounded high, "um, tell me about yourself."_

"_Well, I just turned 17," My heart dropped again, "I am going to enter my last year at Hogwarts and I hope to be an Auror…oh yeah, I am a Metamorphagus." _

_ I raised an eyebrow at this, "Really."_

"_Yeah," She said smiling, "Now tell me about you."_

"_Umm, I am 25, I work for Dumbledore and," My voice cracked, "I am a werewolf."_

_ Once I said this I closed my eyes, that was the last straw that had broke the proverbial camel's back. She was never going to speak to me again I just knew I should have kept my big mouth shut. My eyes were still closed when I felt a hand on my chin so I opened my eyes._

_ "Remus," She said softly, "I don't care that you're a werewolf because you have a good heart."_

_**End Of Flashback**_

That was it.

That was the moment I knew that I wanted to be with her but I couldn't do that because her saying that made me no different I was still a werewolf.

"Remus." She spoke softly and I raised my head from my hands not knowing how it got there.

"Yes, Nymphadora."

"You know why am here."

It was always the same she came in and we talked and argued about our friendship and it usually ended with her with her fleeing the room in tears and me drinking myself to sleep.

"You know we can't do anything because of my…umm…condition."

If I have said once I have said it a thousand times but, stubborn as she is, she never let up.

"Remus," She spoke softly once again, "I don't care that you're a werewolf because you have a good heart."

I let out a sarcastic laugh, "You know you said that the first time we met."

"I do know and I will say it again." Now I could hear the oncoming tears in her voice, "You nearly broke my heart. Please Remus, just look at what you're tearing apart."

Her hands were protectively on her heart as she gestured to it.

"You think I don't feel it," It was not a question it was a statement, "You think that I don't feel the pain…the…the void that took residence in my heart the moment I met you, if you do then your wrong."

"Then listen to your heart, Remus, for me."

"I can't…I'm…I'm too scared."

**_Flashback_**

_ It was a dark night and I got up from bed I couldn't fall asleep. I silently bounded down the stairs not wanting to wake up anyone else. I rubbed my eyes when I saw the Drawing Room door slightly ajar. I walked over and saw Tonks sitting on the couch nursing what I assumed used to be hot chocolate. I walked over and sat down next to her and she turned her head facing me with a blank expression._

_ "Remus?" She questioned softly._

_ "Yes." I said while putting an arm around her shoulders trying to be a good friend though I was secretly doing it for myself._

_ "How do you know when you're in love?"_

_ Dark red blush crept up on my cheeks and I was thankful that it was sort of dark, "I don't know." _

_ "You mean you've never been in love."_

_ "Well…umm…that's besides the point." I said trying to dodge the question._

_ I was quiet as she scrutinized me._

_ "Why do you want to know anyway?" I said resignedly. _

_ She didn't answer me and it filled me with curiosity._

_ After a while she said, "Remus?"_

_ "Yes." I answered again._

_ "I love you."_

**_End of Flashback_**

From that moment on I pushed her harder away from me. Whether it was by taking extra missions for the Order or some other excuse where I just ended up drinking the night away.

I kept her at what I thought was a reasonable distance.

She waved a hand in front of my face pulling me from my thoughts, "No. You do not get to ignore me and think of something or another. You…you know what sometimes I wonder if my words have any meaning."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" She started to sob, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you."

"Yes, you are!" She insisted, "You make me care about what I look like, you make me scared about your well-being, you make made think about things I would never have thought about, you are the only thing I think about, you made me cautious, you…you…you made me love you."

"I didn't ask for you to fall in love with me." I said angrily tears stinging my eyes.

"Yes, you did!" She said her voice dangerously low, "With…with your cute smile, good looks, your charming personality, even with your shortcomings, I fell in love with you, Remus Lupin and all that you are and you can't deny that."

"You know what, Nymphadora? I fell so hard for you that at this very moment I am restraining myself." Tears were now streaming down my face.

"Then don't. Just let me love you."

"Let me love you? Let me love you?" My voice was steadily growing louder, "I passed love so far back I can't even adequately describe what I feel for you."

"Why can't you tell me that you love me? Even if it doesn't describe what you're feeling."

"No one has ever loved me, I mean look at me I'm a werewolf pushing 37 but look like I am twice my age and you're an attractive 28-year-old with your whole life ahead of you. So, pardon me if I thought I was not worthy enough to be apart of the rest of your life and maybe just a little baffled at the thought that someone like you would even look at me twice." I finished breathing heavily.

"And you didn't think for one moment about how I might feel?" She said incredulously, "Well I've got news for you, I never in my life thought a mature very handsome older man would even want to talk to me, a clumsy and immature Auror with virtually no future planned out. So, _pardon me_," She said mockingly, "If I thought that _I _was not in those master plans that you had in mind with your future."

"You tire me, Nymphadora."

"I know. It takes a lot to feel this way doesn't?"

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Remus, I don't want to fight with you anymore." She said sighing also.

"I don't want to either but I'm not going to let up."

"Neither am I so I guess we need to come up with an agreement."

"I guess we do." He didn't notice the mischievous glint in her eye.

"And it will start with this." As she said this she pulled me toward her and kissed me firmly on the lips. I groaned trying desperately not to enjoy it but I couldn't deny myself.

**_Flashback_**

_ In the middle of a regular day, which just happened to be my birthday, an Order meeting required my presence so I arrived a little early but no one was there._

_ "Hello?" I questioned curiously._

_ "Surprise!" Everyone yelled and I staggered back in shock._

_ Tonks came up to me, "Happy Birthday, Remus." I just stared at her blankly, "What? Did you think we forgot?"_

_ "No. No, just surprised that's all." I said nervously._

_ "Well that's the point of a surprise party." She said laughing._

_ Since my birthday was around Christmas there was mistletoe everywhere, thanks to Sirius, but I carefully dodged it wanting to avoid an awkward situation. Everyone was gone and I was cleaning up a little when I came across some mistletoe and accidentally got stuck underneath it._

_ "Shit." I murmured under my breath._

_ "Well, well what do we have here?" She said._

_ "Umm…I was…Damn it, Nymphadora, help me." I pleaded, "Please!"_

_ "You should be more careful, Remus." She gently chided, "And if I were to help you how could I help."_

_ "Nymphadora, you know what you need to do." She laughed as I said this._

_ "Well, maybe I could help." With every word she took a step toward me and I grew more anxious and my breathing quickened along with my heartbeat. Soon she was right in front of me._

_ "Let's try this first." And she kissed me on the cheek but I still couldn't move. _

"_Well maybe this will work." And she kissed my neck a couple of times eliciting a groan but I still couldn't move. _

"_No? This might work." And finally she kissed me on the lips it was soft and welcoming and it was my first kiss…yes, at 33-years-old I had yet to be kissed._

**_End of Flashback_**

This kiss was nothing like that one it was hurried and fervent. I groan one more time before pushing her away blush staining my pale cheeks.

"Did you know that day you kissed me on my birthday was my first kiss?"

"Really?" I could feel the pity radiating off of her.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well you don't really have girls lining up wanting to date you let alone kiss you when you have a friend like James around and after that I just gave up when I tried and got nothing."

"So, how did I do?"

"You certainly left I good impression." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"You didn't do to bad yourself considering it was your first kiss."

"Thanks." I sighed, "Where do we go from here, Nymphadora, if you would like to pursue this."

"I know what you mean." She said, "To be truthful I would rather live each day as it comes."

"There are dangers to doing this."

"I know."

"Really? Do you know? About how it feels when people ridicule you? Have you ever had some not want to touch you because of what you are? Do you know what it really feels like?" I said tears threatening to fall for a second time.

"You're right, Remus." I looked up surprised, "I don't know what it feels like. But does it mean anything to you that I still want to be with you? Didn't think about that did you?"

After a pause she said, "You know what?"

"What?" I retorted.

"Sirius would have wanted to us to be together."

_**Flashback**_

_ It was the day after Sirius' death._

_ Remus and Tonks were sitting on the floor of Kitchen in Grimauld Place and the floor was littered with empty bottles of Odgen's Firewhiskey and one in each of their hands._

_ "You know he was like a brother to me." I slurred._

_ "To Sirius." Tonks shouted and they took a swig of their firewhiskey._

_ "He wouldn't want us wasting our time drinking."_

_ "I know my cousin and anytime spent drinking is a good time." She took another gulp of firewhiskey, "You know what I've always wanted to do?"_

_ "No." As she said this she put her hands under the back of her shirt looking like she was un-doing something and then she pulled her hands out and then put them on them hem of her shirt._

_ "This!" She then pulled up her shirt and apparently her bra flashing him._

_ My eyes went wide as I took in her ample bosom, I may have been drunk but I could still appreciate her breasts. _

_ As sudden as it had come she was pulling her shirt down again laughing heartily as she did this._

_ "Did you like the show, Remus?" She said, "Well I guess I already have the answer."_

_ She gestured toward my apparent arousal, "Don't worry you look quite big to me."_

_ "Tonks! Sometimes when you're drunk you say the most inappropriate things."_

_ "Sorry, Remmy." I kissed her sloppily as she said this she moaned in response and almost immediately I pulled away and fled for the bathroom to take a cold shower._

_ As I turned the corner I heard her sigh, "Oh, Remus, I love you so much."_

_ I sighed too and kept on going._

_**End of Flashback**_

I shook my head violently trying to forget what I remembered.

"What's wrong?" She said concern etched on her face.

We were back to square one, "Nothing, Nymphadora."

"You are the only one I let call me that." She said softly.

"Why?"

"I like the way you say it." She sighed for the thousandth time, "It rolls off you your tongue in a way that is caring and loving toward it not in ridicule and hate…umm, yeah, and I like the way you say it."

"What do you really look like?" I asked.

"You don't want to know, trust me."

"Yes I do."

"Are you sure?"

"I am most defiantly sure."

"Okay." She said timidly.

Her hair changed from pink spikes to long black hair that had a slight curl to it, her nose got a little bigger, she got a little shorter, and her eyes turned a bright green. She almost mirrored Sirius.

"Now you."

I didn't want to but I unbuttoned my shirt slowly and slid its silky material off of me revealing scars all over my body. Her eyes found the ones on my shoulders, she touched these series of dot like scars and I shivered from her touch.

"Is that where Fenrir Greyback bit you?" She questioned her eyes not once looking away from my pale chest.

"Yes."

"You are still handsome to me, Remus." She said looking me in the eyes.

"And you are perfect in your true form."

"Really?"

"Really, really." I replied, "You are very difficult to love."

"Always was, always will be." She said inching closer to me.

Silence filled the room quickly.

"Nymphadora?"

"Yes, Remus."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." She said smiling.

I slowly lowered my head to her and kissed her. It was slow, passionate, and loving. I groaned and she moaned while pushing me toward the door of my room.

**THE END!**


End file.
